I am a 35-year-old, single, professional, Christian female who grew up in church. Whether it be through online dating, meeting people randomly, or through friends, I have been on tons of dates and have come to realize, in terms of finding a mate, dating is not the problem. This blog was born out of lengthy conversations with women I know regarding relationships. My hope is to create a space where females can ask hard questions, hear truthful answers, and in general gain an understanding of what is happening with men, while we are single and after. It comes from a Christian perspective, but I hope it can be helpful to non-Christians as well. As I said, as a single, dating does not seem to be the problem.
Every woman I know, married or not, has read a book, done a Bible study, been in a prayer group, etc., regarding her (future) spouse. They have done something, and most often, numerous somethings, to prepare themselves for what it means to be a partner in a romantic relationship. They have decided to study what it means to be a “virtuous woman” and learn how to be so in their lives. I myself have read 6 books to date, asked for prayer, reached out to others, and read the book of Ruth, the timeless go-to for Christian females, 153 times (ok maybe not, but you get the point). The consensus seems to be work on yourself, serve the Lord, and the right one will be there to pursue you. The result? As I see it, there is a large group of single, smart, beautiful, successful, serving, females waiting to be pursued. That’s great, but it doesn’t mean there is a group of men able to do so. It got me thinking, ‘What good is it being a “Ruth” if there is no “Boaz”?’ Or put another way: Do men spend time preparing for relationships the way women do?
I have to say, the answer according to the data set in my life is, “No.”
I can’t say I know of any single men, Christian or not, who have done any of the things mentioned above. I know married ones who have, and maybe the single ones are doing it in secret, and of course I can’t say I have surveyed every man – and for the record, I am not saying finding a man should be the focus of any female’s life. I believe somewhere out there, there are some men who are trying to prepare for a future relationship or spouse- at least my mom says there are- but when it comes to being a “pursuer” or being in a relationship, my experience is most guys say, “I think it will just happen.”
Well, I could probably stand to lose 5-10 pounds, maybe that will just happen too…
No? I actually have to make a plan to change my diet and work out more to lose weight? My point is, we seem to spend a lot of time preparing females in the church to be women of God, godly spouses, etc., and we encourage them to be faithful in times of singleness, but what do we teach the men? Do they know how to pursue us? Do they even talk or think about it? Or is it assumed when the times is right, they will “just know” what do to? Will it “just happen”?
Related questions include: Is it ok for a Christian female to ask a man out on a date? Where is the line between letting a man know you are interested and turning into the pursuer? Are women “thirsty?” Or are they simply compensating when men don’t state their intentions and/or make a move?