In the previous post I asked if men were “prepared” for relationships the way women are. For the purposes of this post, let’s assume they are. So how then does a relationship start?
Disclaimer: I am straight and female, so I am of course more biased to look at males than females or any other group. This is written from that perspective and not meant in any way to offend anyone.
People can introduce you. You can try online dating. But really, most of the opportunities to meet people come in day to day life activities, right? As I ponder these things, the question that kept coming up for me and my single female friends was: Where do single, straight, men go?
I go all kinds of places (all kinds), but I don’t see a lot of what appear to be single straight men. I do see a lot of gay guys and couples. I go to the market, gay guys and couples. I go to the park, gay guys and couples. I go to museums, gay guys and couples. I go to amusement parks, gay guys and couples. I go to the theater, gay guys and couples. I go to get my dry cleaning, women, gay guys, and couples. Last Saturday my roommate and I went to a fundraiser – it seemed like a good place to meet some nice people (including respectable, reasonably well-dressed men, who care about stuff and have jobs) – women, gay guys, and couples. Guess who was at the comedy club she went to 2 weeks ago, gay guys and couples. Another friend of mine just got back from a cruise. Who was on it? Families, gay guys, and couples. I also go to restaurants and coffee shops quite a bit by myself, which I am totally comfortable with, but those places don’t seem to yield great interactions with the opposite sex either. So it appears women, families, and couples (gay or straight) are out and about….
Where do single, straight, men go? From my research, I’ve come up with the following:
- The gym: problem – everyone wears ear buds nowadays and are in their own little worlds. So even if you saw someone you’d want to to talk to, how would you do it?
- Bars: problem – men there are typically young, and/or really not interested in an actual relationship.
- Work: problem – they’re working (and from what I know, they aren’t good at multi-tasking so they’re not thinking about relationships while they’re doing it).
- Home: problem – they’re at home (not out where you could meet).
- Concerts: not so much a “problem” with this one, just wondering how the conversation would start…..
- Sporting events: problem- they’re with a group of buddies. That’s intimidating both ways. Is he going to leave them to talk to you? Are you going to try to talk to them?
Sidebar: I was encouraged to learn to play golf because there are lots of men around at golf, men who can teach me to golf, I can watch golf with men, etc. While I love watching sports, I don’t love playing them. Can’t that be good enough? Do I have to learn to play golf? Bigger picture question: Should you do something you don’t really want to because maybe you’ll meet someone?
If you’re reading this and you’ve had a good relationship or met your spouse in these ways please comment on your experience. If you think there are other places to meet singles, please share as well. And I know what a lot of you are thinking: ‘You’re Christian, what about church?’ That’s an entirely different post to come 🙂
Related questions: Regardless of the place, who should start interactions? If someone makes eye contact and smiles, is that a sign to start talking? Flipping it around, do single straight men feel they see a lot of lesbians and women in relationships? Are straight men scared to do more things alone?