How do relationships start?… (Where oh where have the single men gone?)

In the previous post I asked if men were “prepared” for relationships the way women are. For the purposes of this post, let’s assume they are. So how then does a relationship start?

Disclaimer: I am straight and female, so I am of course more biased to look at males than females or any other group. This is written from that perspective and not meant in any way to offend anyone.

People can introduce you. You can try online dating. But really, most of the opportunities to meet people come in day to day life activities, right? As I ponder these things, the question that kept coming up for me and my single female friends was: Where do single, straight, men go?

I go all kinds of places (all kinds), but I don’t see a lot of what appear to be single straight men. I do see a lot of gay guys and couples. I go to the market, gay guys and couples. I go to the park, gay guys and couples. I go to museums, gay guys and couples. I go to amusement parks, gay guys and couples. I go to the theater, gay guys and couples. I go to get my dry cleaning,  women, gay guys, and couples. Last Saturday my roommate and I went to a fundraiser – it seemed like a good place to meet some nice people (including respectable, reasonably well-dressed men, who care about stuff and have jobs) – women, gay guys, and couples. Guess who was at the comedy club she went to 2 weeks ago, gay guys and couples. Another friend of mine just got back from a cruise. Who was on it? Families, gay guys, and couples. I also go to restaurants and coffee shops quite a bit by myself, which I am totally comfortable with, but those places don’t seem to yield great interactions with the opposite sex either. So it appears women, families, and couples (gay or straight) are out and about….

Where do single, straight, men go? From my research, I’ve come up with the following:

  • The gym: problem –  everyone wears ear buds nowadays and are in their own little worlds. So even if you saw someone you’d want to to talk to, how would you do it?
  • Bars: problem – men there are typically young, and/or really not interested in an actual relationship.
  • Work: problem – they’re working (and from what I know, they aren’t good at multi-tasking so they’re not thinking about relationships while they’re doing it).
  • Home: problem – they’re at home (not out where you could meet).
  • Concerts: not so much a “problem” with this one, just wondering how the conversation would start…..
  • Sporting events: problem- they’re with a group of buddies. That’s intimidating both ways. Is he going to leave them to talk to you? Are you going to try to talk to them?

Sidebar: I was encouraged to learn to play golf because there are lots of men around at golf, men who can teach me to golf, I can watch golf with men, etc. While I love watching sports, I don’t love playing them. Can’t that be good enough? Do I have to learn to play golf? Bigger picture question: Should you do something you don’t really want to because maybe you’ll meet someone? 

If you’re reading this and you’ve had a good relationship or met your spouse in these ways please comment on your experience. If you think there are other places to meet singles, please share as well. And I know what a lot of you are thinking: ‘You’re Christian, what about church?’ That’s an entirely different post to come 🙂

Related questions: Regardless of the place, who should start interactions? If someone makes eye contact and smiles, is that a sign to start talking? Flipping it around, do single straight men feel they see a lot of lesbians and women in relationships? Are straight men scared to do more things alone?

5 Replies to “How do relationships start?… (Where oh where have the single men gone?)”

  1. I met my husband at in & out, but before we tied the knot I met single guys everywhere. I met guys at church ( young adults ministry) BBQ’s, parties even the club. I also did some online dating which was a litttle disappointing because I actually looked like my picture. I guess it really depends on your personality, if I saw a guy who caught my eye I’d smile and say hello, sometimes they’d come over and other times they didn’t. (On to the next thing) A lot these dudes weren’t husband material either and I did not want to get married any time soon so I didn’t really care. But dating should be fun and bit flirtatious right? Not brain surgery.


  2. Loving the blogs… My experiences have been pretty typical if you ask me. One, was found though the internet, another was at the gym and my last was at the work place. (Hope nobody is keeping score…lol). My point is I don’t think we or you would go to a certain place to find a relationship, friend, spouse, etc. I believe that it happens when you have an open heart and ready to meet someone new that day. They say marriage is work…. So finding a relationship that fits your schedule and needs is supposed to be easy??? I think not… I think some of the biggest keys in finding a new relationship is praying to God and opening your heart to what he has for you that day… You never know …. But I’m at the laundry mat every Monday evening just sayin… Also, doing something out of your comfort zone maybe a great way to meet someone. However, I don’t think it’s a necessity either… People meet all the time at places they would normally be…. Thank You for sharing your thoughts and feelings on relationships. I love the topic because it’s interesting how there are so many variables and outcomes to finding a relationship. I hope this helped and i hope it was received with love because that’s how I intended to write this post. If there is anything that needs clarification please don’t hesitate to ask me. Peace and love to all …. !!!
    Your brother, David.


  3. Great post! If the only motivation to learn a new sport etc is to meet someone special, I say don’t do it. I can’t wait to read your post about meeting men in church. I dated a few men from church and..well….I thank the Lord everyday He brought me my husband. In response to your question about where marrieds met their spouses: I don’t ever remember meeting my husband. I have been blessed enough to have known my husband my entire life. It just took us 47 years to connect in marriage. I can’t wait for your next post.


  4. Nice blog, A! So I met my husband at Basic Pizza in downtown SD (which is both a bar and restaurant). We were both there for our mutual friend’s birthday celebration. So I guess you could say we met through a friend, however unintentional. Btw I am looking forward to hearing what you have to say about meeting men in the church setting. 😉


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