HAPPY (belated) VALENTINE’S DAY! Let’s continue to talk about love/relationships by considering one of the most popular ways to meet someone these days, online.
I started online dating pretty late to the game. It had already been around for years, but because meeting guys “offline” wasn’t getting anywhere, I decided to try it. I’ll admit that back then, which was 10+ years ago, my dad offering to pay for the eHarmony subscription aided me in giving it a shot – I tell myself that was an act of support, not desperation….
I’ve done it on/off for awhile now and while it’s led to a lot of dates, it’s led to 0 real relationships. Nonetheless, I’d say I’m kind of an expert on it, and after my most recent experiences, I felt compelled to write about what I’ve noticed and some of my pet peeves. I hope they make you laugh and think. Enjoy 🙂
Let’s start with men’s profiles:
- The “entrepreneur”: How is it that every other guy is an entrepreneur? Of course some men really are – and there’s nothing wrong with being a go-getter, having multiple streams of income, and/or owning your own business, but I question what this means sometimes. Beware: he could be entrepre-not-employed.
- The “agent”: Travel agent? Insurance agent? Secret agent? I don’t know what that means. What is your job?
- The “director”: Director of operations? Director of marketing? Director of porn? Again, I don’t know what that means. What is your job?
- The “athlete”: Maybe in the past, but not when you’re over 40. What is your job?
- The “fish guy”: I really don’t understand this one. So many men’s profiles have a picture of them on a boat holding a fish they just caught. While I understanding fishing, being proud of what you catch, and taking a picture, I don’t understand why you would put that pic on your dating profile. Particularly because those pictures look uncomfortable, bloody, and gross. What is that supposed to communicate to a female? For me, it’s akin to women posting pictures of themselves with shopping bags after braving the sales on Black Friday. Look! We’re good at shopping! It may be true, but is that what you want to advertise? Would guys be attracted to that?
- All his pictures are with other people: Which one are you?
- Worse, all his pictures are with other females: I think the questions and concerns with this one are pretty evident…
- If he doesn’t put his height, he’s under 5’10” (which isn’t necessarily bad, just sayin’)
- If his pictures look great, he is very complimentary and affectionate in interactions, but he says he can’t date you immediately because he’s a successful business man who is traveling “out of town” – and he calls/texts at odd hours- he’s a catfish. NOTE: these types also tend to speak or type with grammatical/spelling errors because English is not their first language and they may be out of the country.
- Men aren’t just catfish, they can be jellyfish. Meaning after initiating conversation and dates with you they can become spineless and hard to pin down. Ex: they just stop calling/texting instead of talking to you about what’s going on.
- They write “Can you keep up?” in the profile: Are we in competition? Maybe I can, maybe I can’t, maybe I don’t want to. Am I suppose to chase you? Will you help me if I can’t? It just seems that phrase is adversarial and gives me a negative gut feeling- which I don’t think is a great way to start a relationship.
- They write “I’m looking for someone to compliment me”: Maybe they are- but I think they mean “complement.” Which relates to my deeper thoughts about how couples are supposed to complement each other, not be in competition. If we are a complement, then it doesn’t matter what your weaknesses are, I can fill in. And where I am weak, you can be strong.
When it comes to dating and relationships, it concerns me that as we wait longer to be done with school, to get the careers we want, to get married, etc. it’s like we are learning to “perfect” ourselves before we can be in a relationship. In turn, we expect quite a bit out of someone we are with. Then we are all disappointed when we see none of us are perfect. Yes, we should strive to be what we were created to be as individuals, and no person is going to complete you, but I thought partnership means we make a choice to accepted the good and the bad, and work on things together. It’s us complementing each other and building something great – not two perfected people finally meeting and somehow ending up perfectly happy forever after. Thoughts?